I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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