As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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