Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
