meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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