Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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