I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
3pm strippers are depressing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize