12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
