If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
