I wish I only lived at night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
