i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
