We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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