He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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