omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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