i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize