I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
