My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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