pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
