God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
