Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
