Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize