i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
