Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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