Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
