i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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