i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
