I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
