I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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