some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
