what day is it and did you see me today?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
