i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
