i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
