ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
