Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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