His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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