It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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