Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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