am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
