But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
