I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
