Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
