it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
