we're blogging at a bar
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
