There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
