I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've blown a few things in my day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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