This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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