i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
