how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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