he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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