so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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