He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
