I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
