Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
