She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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