just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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