After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
