It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
