when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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