i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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