i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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