I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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