i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
