I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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