I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize