So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize