I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
