GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
